HOME

Early every morning since my unemployment, since the world started spinning, in the quiet of my still darkened bedroom, I’ve reached for my phone. With a reluctant heart, I scan the headlines, looking at the number of deaths. My heart is especially heavy for the people of Italy. There is a moment in the quiet, when I’m hopeful that maybe I’ll find nothing of Covid-19, maybe the last few days have been a dream.

While each day the spinning continues.

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We’ve been encouraged to stay HOME, to do our part, to flatten the curve. Home is my refuge anyway.

Early last Saturday morning, in the quiet, amongst the Covid-19 updates, was the news that Kenny Rogers had died. I read the headline twice. Kenny Rogers, my very favorite singer of all time, had died. He had been my favorite for as long as I can remember. He was 81 years old. He died of natural causes surrounded by his family in his Georgia home, and so I layered this upon my already heavy heart and brought it into my day.

With a vintage Monopoly game laid out on my kitchen table, my family graciously let me listen to Kenny as long as I needed. We had a dance party during snack breaks. My husband shamelessly put hotels on all of his skid row properties and instructed my kids to make sure I didn’t end up with all four of the Railroads. Kenny crooned “Love Will Turn You Around” and the worry, of the last few days fell upon my cheeks.

While each day the spinning continues.

…we’ve spent time cooking together and baking together and snuggling on the couch. We’ve watched The Office and This Is Us. I’ve spent uninterrupted time on the phone, checking in with friends and family. We’ve taken walks and tried to process a bit of disappointment. I’ve stood in our hallway immensely grateful for our church family, listening to my Daughter connect online with our youth group. We’ve spent time in prayer.

Our sweet little dog whimpers for what seems to be no reason at all, his eyes looking right through ours. I’m certain he too feels the spinning.

… we’ve eaten pancakes, lots of pancakes (ok it’s mostly me) I sent a text to my co-workers asking for help. I can’t seem to stop with the pancakes. I received a reply suggesting I switch to waffles. Thanks for understanding me Amanda, because it’s true, we are all in this together.

While each day the spinning continues.

Yesterday, I scrolled through my Facebook feed and came across a friend’s updated profile picture. Lyndsey and I worked together when she was newly married. Now, a handful of years later her and her husband were excepting their first child. There, in my news feed, was a picture of a new little family of three. The photo was taken in an OR, because things don’t always go the way we plan. Lyndsey, still on oxygen, had the most beautiful smile. Her husband was in surgical gear, his eyes full of emotion, as he held their beautiful, perfect baby girl.  Their image overwhelmed me, and again the worry of these past days streamed down my cheeks.

Welcome to this beautiful broken spinning world sweet Lena, we are so glad you’re here.

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